2 John 6
“And this is love, that we walk according to his commandments; this is the commandment, just as you have heard from the beginning, so that you should walk in it.” (1 John 6)
The Bible emphasizes what love does more than how love feels. This is no doubt why those who translated the Hebrew Old Testament into Greek chose the colorless agape over the strong, vibrant eros and the warm, affectionate philia. Agape had this going for it: It emphasized choice, action. The others did not. Agape referred to a free and decisive act determined by the subject himself, not by the drawing power of the object, as in the case of passionate eros or warm, but duty-bound philia. The primary characteristic of biblical love is action.
In the New Testament, as in the Old, loving is often linked with obeying—the outward response of an inward condition of love. We are commanded to love. “You shall love the LORD your God. . . . You shall love your neighbor as yourself “ (Lev. 19:18; Deut. 6:5; Matt. 22:37-39). “If you love me, you will keep my commandments” (John 14:15). “For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments” (1 John 5:3; 2 John 6). The first question Scripture asks is not, How do you feel about this person? but, rather, What choices must you make concerning this person?
Of course, a human being is a whole and cannot be divided, for example, into knowledge, will, and emotions. However, since a whole person does function both volitionally and emotionally, it is proper for us to say that the will “controlled” one action and the emotions “controlled” another. One can will to act contrary to the impulse of his emotions. Jesus did this when his heart (emotions) cried out, “Father, let this cup pass from me.” Yet he chose the Father’s will, contrary to what he wanted, or how he felt. From the Bible’s viewpoint, the choice to act lovingly, not the intensity of the feeling, is the test and ultimate proof of love. The concept of volitional love overriding affectional love is of paramount importance, for one may not be able to control his emotional response. But by the grace of God he can choose to act lovingly, no matter how he feels.
Some contend that this is dishonest. One must act in conformity with his feeling, it is said; otherwise he is attempting to deceive the other person into thinking that he feels a way he does not. But this line of reasoning emasculates a person, cutting away from him all his functions but one. Not only am I a person with feelings, I am also a person of choice—not to mention intelligence, commitments, and many other facets of my whole self. To be honest to myself I must be honest to my whole self; I must choose to act in conformity to my total being. Above all I must be honest to God, to act in conformity with his will and my commitment to him. This is indeed a liberating truth—I can choose to act for the welfare of another no matter how I feel about him or about the action God desires of me.
To say that acting lovingly takes precedence over the emotion of love does not mean that biblical love is exhausted by acting lovingly. Without the emotion, love can be authentic, but it is not complete. If we act in love, ordinarily the affection will follow. Thus one can love in a biblical, active sense, without liking. In fact, it is required that we act lovingly no matter how we feel.
Love-in-action has both a negative and a positive aspect. Biblical love is positive and active — constantly planning and acting for the welfare of others. To refrain from killing one’s enemy is a loving thing, but to give one’s life for an enemy is the ultimate act of love (John 15:13).
An emerging definition of love, then, is an affection, or a desire for the welfare of another that moves to a commitment to act in his behalf. Ordinarily, this is the way love moves, from attitude to action. But when the internal aspects are missing, one can begin with loving action, the external, and leave the feeling to tag along as it will. And this is not an aberration, an undesirable last resort. No, acting lovingly without the feeling of love can be of the very essence of biblical love—that which causes it to stand out in bold contrast to ordinary human love. We call it sacrificial love. Thus love may flow either direction — joyfully from affection to action or painfully across the bridge of the cross — “nevertheless,” no matter how I long for some other way, “not my will but thine be done.”
Reciprocal love and nonreciprocal love. Some disparage reciprocal love, calling it “need-love” or even “swap-love.” They say it is unworthy to expect or even to desire a return on one’s investment of love in another. But it is easy to become more “spiritual” than the Bible .
Indeed, God himself expects a “return on his investment.” He longs and desires to be loved (Hosea; Matthew 22:37; John 4:23; Rev. 3:20). But the difference is this: He does not demand it. He does not make a loving response the condition for giving love (Rom. 5:6-8). And, humanly, we always do. Eros to the ancient Greek, and to the modern man as well, is passionate love that desires the other for itself. We continue to give only so long as we receive—or so long as we hope to receive. But God’s kind of love is not preoccupied with the question, ‘How well am I loved?’ but rather, ‘How well do I love?’
Thus the focus of biblical love is on the quality of the subject, the loving character of the one loving, not on the quality of the object, its worthiness of love, its desirability, its lovableness. Jesus spells this out in great detail with many examples (Luke 6:27-35). He teaches that to love those who love us is nothing great. It is when we choose deliberately to love those who do not deserve it that we have reflected divine love.
Yet the ideal is reciprocal love, each finding in the other abundant reason to appreciate, to feel drawn to, to be overwhelmed by the desire to give. We give because we want to, not because we have to — we delight in the loved one. Then we rejoice in receiving from the one loved. When the object is not lovable, or the emotion is not present, it is then that the character of the giving lover shines in greatest splendor. Biblical love, then, is an affectionate disposition that motivates the lover to consistently act for the welfare of another, whether or not the other deserves it or reciprocates.
We have tried to define love. But the length and breadth and depth and height of it (Eph. 3:18-19) stretch far beyond our reach. What shall we do? Often, to understand an abstract idea or a large concept it is necessary to define by description or demonstration. How good that God has given us both.