James 3:13-18
“Who is wise and has understanding among you? He should show his works by good conduct with wisdom’s gentleness. But if you have bitter envy and selfish ambition in your heart, don’t brag and deny the truth. Such wisdom does not come from above but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where envy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every kind of evil. But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peace-loving, gentle, compliant, full of mercy and good fruits, without favoritism and hypocrisy. And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who cultivate peace.” (James 3:13-18)
We see that we can kill others through physical abuse, verbal abuse, anger, hatred, and a lack of love. When we fail to love as we ought, what results? Conflict! We see conflict everywhere in our world, from arguments among family members to wars among nations. Yet God’s ideal is for His people to live in peace. Jesus is the Prince of peace (see Isa. 9:6), and peace is a fruit of the Spirit (see Gal. 5:22). Therefore, believers are to be characterized by peace as we live out the traits of Christ, who resides in us. Paul taught, Do not murder” (Ex. 20:13) and “Be at peace among yourselves” (1 Thess. 5:13).
Several key attitudes help us avoid conflict. The first is a Godward orientation: yield and trust. The only place to start in avoiding conflict in family or church relationships is to unconditionally yield our will to God; and trust Him with the outcome.
If someone in the home or a faction in the church doesn’t yield and trust, conflict is inevitable. But when both parties yield and trust, conflict can usually be avoided or resolved.
The following verses and identify worldly or evil attitudes. God highlights attitudes that come from Him.
“Who is wise and has understanding among you? He should show his works by good conduct with wisdom’s gentleness. But if you have bitter envy and selfish ambition in your heart, don’t brag and deny the truth. Such wisdom does not come from above but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where envy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every kind of evil. But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peace-loving, gentle, compliant, full of mercy and good fruits, without favoritism and hypocrisy. And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who cultivate peace” (James 3:13-18).
Did you notice the word selfish? The opposite of a Godward orientation is self-love. James said selfish ambition leads to disorder — conflict. Yielding to God brings His wisdom to the situation, and His wisdom is “peace-loving, gentle, compliant, full of mercy and good fruits” (v. 17).
Let’s peel back a few layers and examine our own hearts, allowing the Holy Spirit to destroy these behaviors that occur when there is a lack of love: first physical violence; then verbal violence; anger; hatred; and finally, a lack of love.
Hidden behind the closed doors of many Christian homes lurks a violent temper that sometimes erupts. But if you, husband /dad or wife/mom, have ever touched your family in anger and have not repented and asked forgiveness, now is the time to do it. Otherwise, your study of God’s commands will be of little value since your sin inhibits a walk of obedience to the Spirit’s direction in your life.
Perhaps you have repented and asked forgiveness, only to fail again. You just can’t stop. Now is the time to seek professional help. Get help immediately. Physical violence can escalate, with deadly consequences.
The same warning should flash for child abuse, of course, and perhaps even more urgently. A mother of a 5-year-old once called, pleading with me to pray for her temper problem. She loved the little guy so much, she said, but when she became stressed with work and mothering, she raged against her own son. She needed help before it was too late. And “too late” can come all too soon in the psyche of a little person.
If you have a problem with physical abuse, start by praying for forgiveness and strength and by apologizing to the victim. Get help. End this cycle of hate today.